The day I learned that silence is not the same as peace

I was counseling a young couple last week, and the wife said something that has not left my mind. She said, 'Pastor, I have stopped complaining. I just keep quiet now. That is how I keep the peace.' And I looked at her and I looked at the husband who was nodding like she had said something good. But my spirit was troubled, nwanne.

In my counseling experience, I have seen that many of us confuse silence with peace. We think that if nobody is shouting, then everything is fine. But the thing about life is that silence can be a graveyard. You can be quiet and still be dying inside. You can smile in church on Sunday and cry in the bathroom on Monday. That is not peace. That is just a ceasefire with yourself.

I told them the truth. I said, 'My sister, if you are keeping quiet to avoid his reaction, that is not peace. That is fear wearing a church dress.' The husband did not like it. But I have been married long enough to know that the marriages that survive are not the ones where nobody argues. They are the ones where both people feel safe enough to say the hard things without being punished for it. My wife and I still disagree. But we disagree knowing that the other person is still on our side. That is the difference.