The Abuja husband who budgets his wife's happiness like a government project

My friend called me yesterday crying because her husband gave her a spreadsheet. A spreadsheet. For their fifth wedding anniversary. He itemised the budget under 'Wife Welfare' with columns for 'Expected Output' and 'Performance Indicators'. Wallahi, I had to put the phone on speaker so my own husband could hear it too.

She said the man wrote things like 'Candlelit dinner: approved. Romantic gesture: pending further review of monthly savings target.' I asked her what she did. She said she told him the candlelit dinner was approved but the romance would be reviewed after he fixes the generator. The man did not laugh. He asked for a resubmission in writing.

Some of these Abuja men are running marriage like a parastatal board meeting. They want quarterly reports on affection and annual reviews on patience. Meanwhile she just wants him to come home before 9pm without sending a memo first. I am still trying to understand if this is love or a project management certification.