Saw my cousin's school fees email and started questioning my life choices

Just got an alert from the bursary at UI. Third year fees for my cousin. I checked my account balance first, paid it, then stared at my phone for ten minutes wondering if I'm building anything real or just floating through life.

I'm 32, still renting in Yaba, still working from a co-working space where the AC works 60% of the time. Meanwhile my cousin is studying something I don't even understand and might graduate to earn more than me. The thing is, I'm not even mad. Just tired in a way that feels permanent.

Sometimes I think about going back to Akure. But I know myself. I'd be bored by the second week and start looking for trouble. Lagos is hard but at least the struggle keeps you awake.