I caught my father's second family at a burial in Akure last month

Last month I went for my uncle's burial in Akure. My mother's younger brother, the one who raised me when my father left. I am standing near the tent, eating jollof, when I see this woman looking at me. She is crying too much for a distant relative. Then she walks up and says, 'You look just like your father.'

I tell her I don't know my father. She laughs small and says, 'I know. I am his wife. Your brothers are over there.' She points to two boys, maybe 10 and 14. They are both looking at me. I nearly dropped my plate. My father left my mother when I was 3. Nobody ever told us he remarried. He has been living in Ibadan this whole time with a whole other family. My mother she don bury that man for her mind 20 years ago. But me, I am standing there calculating. He is still alive. He never paid a kobo of child support. And now I am looking at my half-brothers who probably think their father is a decent man.

I didn't tell my mother. I just left the burial early and drove back to Lagos. The thing is, I don't know what I feel. Anger? Relief that I finally have context? The weight of knowing I have brothers I might never claim? The silence in our house since I returned has been heavy. My mother thinks the burial just tired me. But every night I am googling his name, trying to find a number. I have not dialed. I don't know if I ever will.