I Told My Mother I Was Going to Canada. The Truth Is I Do Not Even Know If I Will Make It.

I am 29 years old, from Jos. I have been processing my japa papers for the past two years. Visa finally came through last month. My mother cried and called all her church members to thank God. She thinks I am going to Canada to build a better life for the family.

The truth is, I am running. Not from poverty alone , from something heavier. Back in 2022, I lost my job at a microfinance bank in Jos. I had taken loans to support my younger siblings' school fees, and when the money stopped coming, I started borrowing from one place to pay another. By the time I stopped, I owed over 1.2 million naira to different people, including my own mother's cooperative savings. She does not know I touched her money.

I have been living like a ghost since then. Avoiding calls, dodging church functions, pretending my phone is bad. The only reason I am leaving is because I cannot face what I have done. I told myself Canada will be a fresh start, but omo, I do not even have a job lined up there. I am going with 300,000 naira and a prayer. My mother's faith is the only thing holding me together.

I am scared. Not of the cold or the loneliness , I am scared that I will fail there too, and then I will have no place left to run. But I cannot stay. If I stay, one day she will find out, and that will kill her faster than my silence is killing me.

If you are planning to japa, make sure you are not running from something that will follow you. Because it will. I am learning that now.