The thing about marrying a man who calls his mother every single day

I was counseling a young woman yesterday, she is 28, engaged to a man who calls his mother every morning and every night. She was asking me if this is a red flag. I just smiled and told her my own story.

When I married my wife, my mother in law used to call her every single day to ask if she had cooked for me, if she had ironed my clothes, if she was taking care of her son. My wife would cry sometimes. She would say 'your mother does not trust me.' I told her, 'my sister, our people say that a mother's love is like a shadow that follows you even when the sun is gone.' The thing about life is that some mothers never learn to cut the cord. But the question is not whether he calls his mother. The question is whether he knows how to set boundaries when the calling becomes controlling.

So I asked the young lady, does he defend you when his mother crosses the line? She was quiet for a long time. Then she said 'he tells me to just manage her, that is how she is.' Nwanne, that is not the same thing as setting boundaries. A man who cannot tell his mother 'I love you but my wife is my priority now' is not ready for marriage. He is still a child looking for permission. I have seen things in my counseling experience. The marriages that survive are the ones where the man understands that leaving his father and mother is not just a verse in the Bible, it is a daily decision.