When your mother calls you at 9am on a Saturday to ask if you've gone to church

I work remotely for a US startup, so my 9am is basically 4am my time. Saturday is the one day I get to sleep past 6am. But my mother, God bless her, does not believe in time zones. She calls me at exactly 9am Nigerian time last Saturday, voice bright and chirpy.

"Jide, have you gone to church?" she asks. I am still half asleep, phone pressed to my ear. I tell her, "Mummy, it is 4am where I am." She pauses and says, "Ehn? 4am? So you are sleeping when your mates are praying?" Then she starts listing all the people she saw at the morning vigil. My neighbour's son who works at a bank. The woman who sells puff puff at the junction. Even the okada man who normally drops her at the market.

I just lie there, staring at my ceiling, calculating how many hours of sleep I have lost. The numbers say I have lost exactly 5 hours of REM sleep because my mother thinks prayer has no time zone. And the worst part? She will call again next Saturday. Same time. Same question. And I will still not have a good answer.