Nigerians and the art of 'I know a guy' for everything

My transformer blew last night around 9pm. Before the sound even finished echoing, my neighbour was already shouting through the wall 'Joe! I know a guy who can fix am for cheap!' I didn't even ask who. That's how we do in this country. You need a lawyer? I know a guy. You need a doctor who can see you on Sunday? I know a guy. You need a spare part for a 1999 Toyota that stopped production? My guy's cousin's brother-in-law has it under his bed.

But the funny thing is, when you finally meet this 'guy', he is always a man of many talents. The same person who fixed your generator last week is now the one wiring your house. The same woman who sells pure water by the junction is the one who can connect you to someone at the passport office. We have built an entire economy on 'I know a guy' and nobody is paying tax on it.

Last week I needed a document notarised urgently on a Saturday. My clerk said 'Oga, I know a guy'. We drove to Mushin, found the man under a mango tree with his stamp and seal. He did the job in 5 minutes, charged me ₦3,000 and gave me a receipt written on a cigarette pack. That is Nigeria for you. We don't need systems, we need guys.