My cousin called me at 3am asking for visa advice. Then she dropped the real reason.

Last year, around November, my phone rang at 3am. I checked the caller ID, it was my cousin Bola from Ibadan. My heart started beating fast because nobody calls at that time for good news.

I picked up, and she was crying. She said her husband, Tunde, had packed his things and left her with three children. No warning. No explanation. Just gone.

She said she needed visa advice because she wanted to come to the UK to start fresh. I told her to calm down, let me think. But in my mind, I was calculating. Visa fees, flight tickets, accommodation, school for the children. That is not small money.

I asked her, 'Bola, do you have savings?' She said no. I asked if Tunde left anything. She said he took everything.

Na wa oh. I sat on my bed and looked at the ceiling. I wanted to help her, but I also knew that if I say yes to one person, ten more will follow. You know how family is.

In the end, I told her to first secure her situation in Ibadan before thinking about japa. I sent her some money for rent and food. Not for visa. She was angry at first, but after two weeks she called back and said I was right. She needed to stand on her own feet before running abroad.

Sometimes, the best help is not giving people what they ask for. It's giving them what they actually need.