The one who pays the bills should not also carry the emotional load

My friend called me last night, her voice low like she didn't want her husband to hear. She said she is tired. Not tired of the marriage, but tired of being the one who does everything. She pays the school fees, buys the food, sorts the generator repairs, and still has to manage his moods when he comes back from work and says nobody appreciates him.

I just listened. What else can you do when someone is pouring out their heart? But inside I was thinking, this is the story of so many women in Abuja. We work full time, we manage the home, we raise the children, and we are expected to do it with a smile. Meanwhile the man feels entitled to rest because he contributed something. The policy says one thing, the reality says another.

Marriage is not a competition of who does more. But if you are carrying 80 percent of the weight and still being told you are not grateful enough, something is wrong. My honest counsel to her was to sit down and have that uncomfortable conversation. The kind where you say, I need you to see me. Not just see what I do, but see me.