The sister who said her husband must not have female friends

I was counseling a couple yesterday, a young woman in her late twenties, very educated, works in a bank. She told me her husband is not allowed to have any female friends. Not even colleagues from work. She checks his phone every night. She said, Pastor, a married man has no business talking to any woman that is not his wife or his mother.

I asked her, do you have male friends? She said no, but that is different because women are more trustworthy. I just sat there and looked at her. The thing about life is, when you build a marriage on suspicion, you will find what you are looking for. Even if he is faithful, you will exhaust him with your checking and your questions until he becomes what you feared. Our people say that the dog you tie too tightly will eventually break the rope.

I told her, trust is not something you give because someone has earned it. Trust is something you give because you have chosen to believe in someone. If you cannot trust, you need to look inward, not outward. She was not happy with my answer. She said I was taking the man's side. I told her, I am not taking any side. I am taking the side of the marriage. Ndo, but a marriage without trust is just two people sharing a house, not a life.