🤫 Confess🏥 Health
I Was 27, Had a Good Job in Owerri, and Spent Every Night Planning How to End My Life
D
Dancing Flamingo from Uyo
3 months ago
Back in 2022, I was working as a customer service officer at a bank in Owerri. On paper, my life was fine , I had a salary, my own apartment in World Bank Housing Estate, and a mother who bragged about me at every family gathering. Inside, I was drowning. Every night, I would close my door, lie on my bed, and calculate the most peaceful way to disappear. I had it all mapped out , the date, the method, the note I would leave. I never told a single person. Not my mother, not my colleagues, not even my closest friend from secondary school. In this part of the world, you don't say 'I am depressed' , you hear 'you are not praying enough' or 'you are just lazy.' So I kept smiling at work, laughing at office jokes, attending church on Sundays, and coming home to plan my own exit. The worst part was how convincing I had become at pretending to be okay. What stopped me was not a pastor or a prayer. It was a random Tuesday when my neighbour , a woman I barely spoke to , knocked on my door at 10pm with a plate of jollof rice and chicken. She said she had made too much and thought I might be hungry. She did not ask any questions. She just handed me the plate and went back to her flat. I sat on my kitchen floor and cried for the first time in months. Omo, I still cannot explain why that broke me open, but it did. The next morning, I found a free mental health hotline online and called. It took three more months of talking to a stranger on the phone before I could tell my mother. She cried and said she wished I had told her earlier. But how do you tell someone something they are not ready to hear? I am still here. I still have bad days. But I no longer plan my funeral in my head. If you are reading this and you feel the way I felt , please, find one person. Even if it is just a neighbour with a plate of rice.
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