I Watched My Best Friend Succeed While I Was Drowning Inside. I Could Not Celebrate Her Win.

This was 2021, I was 29 and living in Benin City. My best friend from university, Efe, and I had been tight since 100 level. She was the one who held my hand when my father died in 2019. I was the one who helped her pack when she got that job in Lagos.

But by 2021, something had shifted. I was stuck in a dead admin job at a local government office, earning 55k a month. Rent was eating me alive. Meanwhile, Efe had gotten a second promotion. She was posting pictures from Lekki restaurants, new car, new everything. Every time her name popped up on my phone, my chest would tighten.

One night she called, excited, telling me she had just bought her first land in Ibeju-Lekki. I forced my voice to sound happy. 'That's my girl, so proud of you.' But after the call ended, I sat on my bed and cried. Not because I was happy for her. Because I hated myself for not being able to feel happy for her.

I started avoiding her calls. Made excuses. She kept asking what was wrong. I kept saying I was busy. The truth was too ugly to say out loud: her success was a mirror showing me everything I had failed to become.

We haven't spoken in two years. I still think about her sometimes. Not with anger anymore. Just a quiet sadness. The thing about envy is that it doesn't hurt the person you resent. It hollows you out from inside until there's nothing left to give anyone, including yourself. If you have a friend who is winning, fight to be happy for them. The alternative is a loneliness that feels like your own fault.