Nigerian aunties will call you fat AND ask when you're getting married

I attended one family wedding last weekend and I swear, the aunties have a manual. First it's "you don chop o, you don grow well" while patting my stomach, then two minutes later it's "when are you bringing a husband?" like the two things connect.

So I asked one of them, "Aunty, which one? Am I too fat for a man or too old to wait?" She just laughed and said, "You see this girl, she has mouth." Then she gave me a plate of jollof rice.

I ate the rice and left with a new respect for their negotiation skills. They really want us to be fat AND married. The math is not mathing but the jollof was sweet.