Nigerian family group chats are the realest horror stories

My family group chat has 47 members. 47. And somehow, every single one of them has an opinion on my life. I posted a picture of my new laptop last week, and my auntie replied, "Jide, when are you bringing a wife? Laptop cannot cook." Bruh. The laptop is for work. But no, in their eyes, I am just collecting gadgets while my agemates are producing children.

Then my uncle shared a voice note, 5 minutes long, about how I should stop "wasting money" and start building a house in the village. I replied, "Uncle, I am saving." He responded, "Saving for what? You think money will wait for you?" My mother then joined, saying, "Your uncle is right. At your age, I was already carrying your elder brother." The data is clear: the only acceptable investment in this family is a wedding and a land plot.

Meanwhile, the same group chat is where they share videos of people falling into gutters and ask me to "fix the internet" because they think I work for MTN. I have stopped explaining. I just send a laughing emoji and mute the chat for another week. Does your family group chat also operate like a parallel universe where your achievements mean nothing until you produce a child?