The day my daughter asked me why I was crying in the car

My daughter is 9. She asked me last week why I sometimes sit in the car outside the house before coming in. I told her I was listening to radio. She said no, daddy, you are not listening to anything. Chineke. 9 years old and she is already reading me better than adults do.

The truth is I sit there because inside that house everybody needs something from me. My wife needs a husband who is present. My daughter needs a father who is not tired. The church needs a pastor who has answers. My youth group needs somebody who will not flinch when they tell me they are depressed. And some days I don't have any of it. I just have a man sitting in a Toyota Corolla in Enugu wondering if he is doing enough.

In my counseling experience, the people who break down are not the ones with big problems. They are the ones carrying small problems quietly for too long. We have made it a sin in this country to say I am not okay. Especially men. Especially pastors. My own father never once told me he was struggling. He just died at 61 and we all said God knows best. I don't want that for myself nwanne.

So now when I sit in that car, I give myself ten minutes. Not to pray. Just to be human. Then I enter the house and my daughter runs to me and I am whole again for a while. That is not weakness. That is maintenance.

When last did you actually check on the strong person in your life?