Why I stopped telling single women in my church to 'just be patient'

One of my youth members, Chidinma, came to me last month and said something that has been sitting on my chest since. She said, "Pastor, I am tired of waiting on God for a husband while my mates are marrying and I am here serving in church." I did not have a quick answer for her. Normally I would say the usual thing we say, that God's time is the best. But I sat there and looked at her and I could not repeat that line.

Because the thing about life is, sometimes we use God's timing to cover up for things we should be honest about. I have seen sisters in my church who are faithful, beautiful, hardworking, and they are single not because God is delaying but because our church culture has made marriage a reward for patience. We tell them to wait. We do not tell them to live. We do not tell them to build a life that is full even if nobody has put a ring on it yet.

I told Chidinma that her life is not on pause. She should travel, buy land if she can, learn a skill, enjoy her small money without guilt. I have seen women break down at 35 because they spent their 20s and early 30s just sitting and waiting for a man who may never come. That is not faith. That is fear wearing church clothes. If you are in that situation, what would you tell your younger self?