The day I told my mother-in-law I would not resign for her son

Three years ago, my director called me into his office. HR Director role. Big title. But the condition was simple. Relocate to Lagos. I sat there nodding, already calculating school fees and rent, before I remembered I had a husband.

I got home that evening and told Alhaji. He was quiet for a long time. Then he said, "Abuja is where I built my practice. I cannot start again in Lagos at my age." Fair. I understood. But then his mother entered the matter.

She called me. Not to ask. To announce. "A woman follows her husband. If the job wants to carry you away from your home, then the job is not for you."

Wallahi, I did not shout. I just asked her one question. "Mama, if I resign, who will pay Bilkisu's school fees when Alhaji's contracts slow down?" Silence.

We separated for four months. Alhaji and I. Not because of Lagos. Because of who gets to decide what my life is worth. We are back together now. I did not take the Lagos role. I took a smaller one here. But that question I asked his mother, I still ask myself every time someone tells me to shrink.