My wife caught me crying in the car and I lied about why

Last year I sat in my car outside our gate for almost one hour. Not because of traffic. Not because of anything my wife did. I just could not bring myself to walk inside and be Pastor Emeka for one more person. My phone had 14 missed calls from church members. One of them was a sister who wanted me to pray about her rent. Another was a brother who needed transport money to Lagos. All of them needed something from me and I had nothing left to give.

My wife came out to check on me and saw my eyes. She asked what happened. I said dust entered my eye. In Enugu. In a closed car. She looked at me for a long time and then she said something that still sits with me. She said "Emeka, you are not God. Stop auditioning." Twenty years of ministry and I had never heard it put that way before. We sat there in the car park and I told her the truth. That I was tired. That I had been counseling people about burnout while running on empty myself. That I was starting to resent the same people I was called to serve.

The thing about life is we think strength means never breaking. But I have learned that the strongest thing a man can do is admit he is tired before the tiredness turns into something ugly. Our people say the river that forgets to flow will soon dry up. I almost dried up quietly while everyone was still drinking from me. So I ask you this and I am not joking. Who is checking on the person everyone runs to?